Every time I get a CNN Breaking News email alert I expect it to say, “The world is coming to an end. Duck.”

Well, I’ve had another day of nothingness. I’ve barely left my computer. I had exactly one bowl of Kellogg’s Smart Start cereal and a cup of chai with sweetened condensed milk today. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, wait, I had an apple as well. I guess this is why I only weigh 114lbs. I’m not starving myself, I just can’t be arsed to go to the store for bread. I’m irritable. I so want to get off my ass tomorrow and go into Manhattan, drop off my camera to be repaired and go to the gym. I so need to. But what I foresee is being still up at 5am, either surfing Kotaku.com or lying, playing Minish Cap with my head at the foot of my bed.

I miss my camera and I really want it working again. I miss taking photos of crap. I miss being annoying with it. I miss posting on Flickr.

Gary left 80 bucks Thursday to help with repair cost. Instead I bought The Godfather: The Blackhand Edition for the Wii. Clearly I have my priorities straight. It’s a good game though and I’ll probably do nothing but play that all weekend.

Hate that everything costs so much. Picked up a couple things at Pathmark on Tuesday after paying the cable bill. I only had 20 bucks so I was extra careful. Total came up to $22.99 so I said fuck you to the mini croissants and put them back. The total was exactly $20 then. All I really got was juice, eggs, bread, a can of milk and a box of chai. Supposed I could have saved money by getting white bread over multigrain.

Interesting note. While walking home from Pathmark I past this guy who had noticeably nice eyes. He smiled and I returned it as the straps from the plastic bags attempted to cut through my hands. I saw the same guy in the Duane Reade on 42nd and 8th last night. Not completely odd but surely the chances of running into someone like that must be low. I could run into that guy but I can’t run into Ross?

Hung out a bit with Lohan last night after I filled my craving of a Lucky Burger. Watched The Manhattan Project. I got home around 3. Sometimes Lohan has these moments of …I don’t know, wisdom, I suppose. Shame that’s always dashed when I remember his WiFi network is called ‘iBoyCock’.

I feel crippled. Even as I type this tripe I feel crippled. I want to get up and go take a shower. I want to put something on and walk over to the store to get bread and possibly a bottle of Bailey’s. I just can’t seem to, as pathetic as it sounds. It takes a lot of effort for me to do anything lately. I find myself lying in bed until the urge for a morning pee goes away. I find myself just wanting to tape my pillow to my face.

I find no one around me relates.

One movie I really want to see is ‘Paprika‘. I don’t know much about it other than it’s about therapist who can enter people’s dreams to help them. That, and it’s gorgeous (trailer). I don’t exactly get why western animators can’t pull off what Japanese animators have been doing for years. Guess it’s just a huge difference in cultures.

I suppose animation to many here in the west will always be seen as something for children. That, and there seems to be a focus on 3D and realism over a particular ’style’ of animation. This also seems to translate to video games as well. Western gamers certainly seem more into realism than quirky art styles. Realism and all things shiny. It has to be big, it has to be expensive, and it has to be shown off.

Nick and I had an interesting talk over the phone late last night. He pointed out that most people in the middle of the country are actually much more materialistic than people living in and around New York City.

“Someone here might have a better looking hat, but in the heartland they have huge houses and SUVs.”

Never really thought about it but he made some excellent points. He said where he lived in Minnesota, pretty much everyone had a big house, two big cars and a jetski. He also pointed out that people in New York City are more about just surviving. Ain’t that the truth. We rent, we walk and take the subway. Many of us scrape by. Not to say a lot of New Yorkers aren’t materialistic. God knows I’ve met my fair share. I guess there’s just so much space you can actually own in city like this.

I think Nick and I may have gotten closer since the Kristian incident. We’ve definitely been talking a bit more and more seriously. It feels good. I see him being a very dependable friend and I could certainly use another.

Don’t know what’s wrong with me lately but I can’t seem to be able to sleep before 6am. It’s not as if I’m really doing anything, just lying in bed playing The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap on my Gameboy Micro. I want to sleep and I know I should but I just can’t. It’s been this way for days now.

I pray I could get to sleep at a reasonable time tonight. I actually do feel helpless. I know I have terrible sleeping habits but this is ridiculous. There are so many thoughts swirling around I could barely keep up, yet I’m wide awake.

Well, that was an odd dream. Everything before being in some sort of credit card commercial is murky. The commercial ended with a black Jamaican poolside talking into the camera about some guy who gave her or her niece crabs. Something about an arranged marriage as well. Then it cut to about four trannies on a yacht. One, in long blonde braids and far too much makeup, said she didn’t feel like swimming today because of the glitter on her nails.

“No, we won’t be going in today.”

Zach Braff appeared in front of me, naked. He was just naked and his hair had been slept on. I don’t remember anything sexual. I was in a hotel room or something. The place looked a bit rundown. Scenes of cobblestone streets and tiny alleys trickled in. I remember green doorways.

I was back home on The Island with Zach and [celebrity site client] driving near a corner that stood out for some reason. Zach was driving. Might have been a mini moke. Gosh, I haven’t seen one of those in years.

There was a crash or something. I woke up.

My gums have been bleeding a bit. This goes into my theory that I’m secretly dying. I know I have two cavities I need to take care of but it isn’t the easiest without dental insurance. Keep meaning to check out Vital Dent since they offer payment plans and such, along with a free consultation. Just can’t afford to right now. I keep thinking that I just need to finish working on this one small project I have in order for everything to be okay. The balance is only $1,500 but that’ll be stretched and take care of a couple things.

Got Jake’s check last week. $250. I was very disappointed. Don’t know why I have such a hard time letting him know this. I promptly deposited it though to avoid another overdraft. This is no fuckin’ way to live.